(warning: vent/rant)
some of you may remember my situation from my old blog. i work for my family's business as a book keeper. on and off for the past four years i have had trouble with my parents as they seem to be going into debt faster and faster each year; they spend their money faster than they make it. i am responsible for paying the bills, wages, recording spending, invoicing clients, chasing up non-payers, part of the tax stuff, and general office duties. it is a sole-trader operated business, and that sole trader is my mums partner. i have tried so hard to make them see that they can't keep living like this, but it falls on deaf ears. recently i have decided to not involve myself in their personal financial affairs. it is difficult, obviously, because the business is essentially their personal affiars. however, i zip my lips when i have any comments on their personal spending.
i warned them about three months ago that, although we had 'available' funds, they were already spoken for through bills due at the end of the month etc. so the business basically had no money, three months ago. their response was that they don't spend any extra on anything, their only personal expenses were groceries and household bills, and that they are cutting back on business expenses such as advertising, and not buying any new tools. somehow they conveniently foget their lunch outings ($300 in one go: $30 on food, the rest on pokies - yes, it's a regular occurence, sometimes twice weekly). they also forget their 'alternative therapies' (acupuncture, naturopath etc), hippy crystals (dont ask) lump sums on clothes, etc etc.
they also somehow justified buying a brand new vehicle for the business (48k on the van, a further 12k on interest over 6 years), even though i advised strongly against it. (i said, save profit for six months and then buy it, save yourself 6k. 'no, no, it's tax deductable' they said)
anyway. so currently mums partner is away for a few weeks (holiday - another expense) and mum has decided she deserves a mini-holiday as well, which basically means only doing half the office work, not calling clients back on time, and hanging out with a single-mother friend duing the day.
so basically it's come to a crunch time. i have been able to roll the bills over each other while money has been coming in, but now the excess available money is dwindling, and the bills are still coming in. my conversation last week with my mum:
her: so we've still got money yeah?
me: no. in fact we have about 4k in the red. i've been saying this for months, but now there is actually NOT enough money to pay the bills.
her: oh. can't we just take it out of the mortgage? (note: the mortgage had 125k available for renovations, and now has 8k. only about 50k has been used for renovations, the rest has been 'topping up' the business account)
me: there's only a little bit left. it will be gone soon, and the renovations are only half done. what are we going to do when its all gone, and there's a half finished house and thousands due for business bills?
her: oh. we'll have to cut back on advertising or something.
me: $150 a fortnight isn't going to do shit.
her: oh.
ok. so you would think a normal reaction would be one or all of the following: sit and think about the finances. work out a proper budget. eat noodles all week, not go out at all, while silently stressing. anything remotely financially fiscal, you would think? yeah?
let me add a note here:
my mother gets a wage, plus family benefits. she probably earns roughly more or the same as me, ($500 a week). her partner pays ALL the bills, vet bills, school fees etc and all my mother has to do is get groceries each week. you would think for a family of four, who shop at the market, you would have some money left over from that each week for whatever you want to do with, entertainment, clothes etc.
so here was my conversation with my mother this morning:
her: i have to tell you something, because you'll find out anyway.
me: yeah?
her: i was naughty on the weekend. i went out. i took some money out of the business account.
me: oh
her: some of it was for groceries. not all of it was naughty.
i checked the business account, and there was roughly $850 taken out in increments. so, from wednesday to saturday (4 days) my mother has managed to spend $1350.
so you would be thinking, oh, that's a lot of groceries right? or even, that's a lot of clothes.
no.
it's a lot of pokies.
yes. that's right. my mum withdrew the money from the business checking account, while her partner was on the other side of the country on a holiday.
i mean, OF COURSE that's a totally normal reaction to 'oh, we need to save money, we're in debt'.
I am just so f******* pissed off.
I have tried so hard to make them both see that it can't go on like this. And what good has it done? She's gone and spent MORE money, which we don't even have in the first place. I've tried to get them to see a financial planner, with no avail. I've even offered to PAY for it, to an extent, just so someone who isn't family can knock some sense into them. The thing is they make out to other family and friends that it's a successful business that makes a lot of money, and they go on and on about their renovations and how beautiful their house will look once it's done etcetc.
What do you say? What can you do? How do I make them see what they are doing?
Sometimes I feel like all I am really doing is rearranging their spending. Organising their excessiveness into rows and columns. Trying to find a magical way where it actually seems like there is money in the bank. I don't feel like there is any point in it all, because they don't listen, and they don't do anything proactive about their situation. They won't change their lifestyle. If they do, they do it for a week, get bored, and go out and spend money at the pokies. Or they do it for a week, get bored, and decide they need an expensive water-filter for their drinking water, a boat, a new car, a kayak, a weekend away, a new hobby that requires more money etc etc.
The thing is, this time it will be fine. I mean, hey! we have 8k in the mortgage! But that will only get us through til next time. And next time will only be in a few months. And in a few months, I'm going to have to go through this frustration again, feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall. Or a baby. Or a dog.
Argh.
I am just so angry at my mother. She seems to be able to carry on like it really isn't that bad, spending a grand at the pokies. Maybe to Richard Branson it might not be that bad, but my mother, like I said, earns aroudn the same that I do. At the moment, my house fund is a little over 1k, and I would personally rather shoot myself in the foot than spend that at the pokies. The thing is, it's not even HER money. Even though they're partners, sure, they share the money, but the money ahs already been spent on bills, and the money, in the first place, is in her partners account. Argh. I am so *&%$#(& pissed off.
sorry guys :S
end vent/rant
so frustrated i could cry
August 26th, 2008 at 02:29 am
August 26th, 2008 at 03:02 am 1219719774
And her addiction to the pokies, or slots, as we call them in the U.S., is troubling.
Although it is painful to witness this, the best you can do is keep your focus on your goals for saving and getting your accounting credentials. You are so mature and responsible for your age. We're here for you!
August 26th, 2008 at 03:34 am 1219721671
August 26th, 2008 at 04:12 am 1219723931
Your task is to keep their self destruction from being your self destruction. Expect a request to use your savings to help the family business.
August 26th, 2008 at 04:35 am 1219725327
August 26th, 2008 at 04:49 am 1219726185
August 26th, 2008 at 07:27 am 1219735657
I'm sorry that you're going through this, but it seems like you are doing the best you can and are working really hard. Good luck to you and keep us updated.
August 26th, 2008 at 10:42 am 1219747368
To cut a long story short... my father had a company - basically a family business.... started on our kitchen table... my older brother and myself worked for it at varying times.
My father, for all his wonderful qualities, is not a good manager in that he dislikes confrontation and finds it hard to make and implement difficult necessary decisions. I saw the business going down the tubes like a slow train-crash. I can't remember all the earnest well-intentioned conversations I had with him about the business and all the advice I gave him. Advice which would have saved the business - in my opinion- it was simple straightforward advice.
What my input/advice/frustration/worry came down to was this: I gave him my honest no-strings-attached advice for his business and his personal finances. He heard it. He however chose not to follow it or act upon it. He chose instead to follow his own judgement or that of "the professionals" i.e. his accountant or sales men.
The business went bust. At times I felt so unbelievably frustrated. My father simply didn't value/respect my opinions/advices. He would listen to me but then carry on making crap decisions. My mother has often said "listen you can't change him now... he is going to do what he wants to do...don't waste your breath".
The failure of the business was a direct consequence of my father's pride (not wanted to take advice from someone he saw as his junior, being more concerned about what the local community thinks than about his bank balance), inability to admit he made a mistake and rectify it and his dislike of change.
We all have human weaknesses. However the only people who can change our behaviours permanently and for the better are ourselves.
My father (and by extension my mother and older brother) are now in financial shit. I am trying to help them as best I can. I STILL HAVE DIFFICULTY HAVING MY FATHER LISTEN TO ME !! lol
This is how I get my father to listen to me. If he is doing something not helpful or, more likely, if he is procrastinating and putting his hand in the sand; I arrange a meeting with a lawyer. Get my father to attend. Explain the situation to the lawyer. We both give our sides. The lawyer invariably comes down on my side. My father will then act on the advice of the lawyer because he is a "professional" even though I was giving him the same advice a few weeks previously for free !!
Greengirl if I was you I would do the following:
Arrange a meeting with your mother and her partner.
Express your concerns in no uncertain terms about the business. Tell them you are afraid the business will go bust. Tell them you love them and would hate to see them in that position. Tell them you are concerned that the current set-up isn't working in that you are trying to save the business/your mother's finances but despite your best efforts/intentions you are getting nowhere - in fact it's getting worse.
I would them you are unwilling to be an enabler/participant in the destruction of their business/personal finances and you suggest they find a qualified accountant to help them get back on the right track. Tell them you are looking for employment elsewhere because you don't see the benefit to the family of you going down on a sinking ship with them.
Greengirl... every situation is different so please take what you find useful from the above...
Good Luck !! and remember... this situation is NOT YOUR FAULT !!!!!
August 26th, 2008 at 10:49 am 1219747789
everyone else, thankyou for your kind comments
August 26th, 2008 at 10:52 am 1219747973
August 26th, 2008 at 03:40 pm 1219765256
In the end, there isn't much you can do about them other than to protect yourself. If you can, I'd try to find a different place to live, and a job elsewhere to live your own life.
Your mother is also an adult. She too must learn to stand on her own, even if it means having to watch her fall.
August 26th, 2008 at 04:21 pm 1219767661
This is the perfect place to let others hear your side of the story.
You can't continue to bail your mum out. You won't be able to when they go to take the business and house.
Get her to see the numbers. Hold them in front of her face. Tell her that she will have to figure out a way to solve the problem she has dug for herself and that when she is done, you will come back and continue to do what you were before.
Don't let her sinking take you down too.
August 26th, 2008 at 08:56 pm 1219784166
August 27th, 2008 at 02:05 am 1219802747
Possible solutions:
1. You quit.
2. You have her fired.
Option 1 will have the business go bust, so the ethical thing to do is to make sure your mom can not touch the money anymore.
Option 2 might be feasible if you can prove misconduct. Personal gambling with corporate earnings fits this definition imho. Check with an attorney.
She is spending your job away, it's time to take drastic action.
August 31st, 2008 at 12:36 am 1220143012